Holiday Tips

Dealing (or not dealing) with your grief during the holidays is to me the worst part. It is a constant reminder. Every Christmas tree and decorated house reminds me that my Christmas will never be the same because my family will never be the same. Since this time of year is the worst for grieving families, here are a few tips to help us all through this difficult time.

Think about what will be helpful for yourself and your family in the present.

For the first year it is a good idea to do something together different from your family's holiday traditions. Some family's will go on a holiday vacation together. I love family cruises so that the whole family can be together comfortably. I do think it is important to keep the old traditions going strong in following years. I can't imagine our family not carrying the tradition of the Thanksgiving talent show or the grocery game. For the first year or so it can be really hard to see that spot left open on the table. It is so important to learn how to be happy with the family we still have here.

Incorporate memories of that person into your Holiday traditions.

This to me is really important and I think it will be especially helpful for large extended family get togethers. You don't want to feel as though they are forgotten and the family has so quickly moved on. Having a moment to externalize the loss by giving it a time and place honors the person we are missing while making us feel connected and dependent on each other. You can mention them in a prayer, read a poem, or light a candle in their honor.

Find ways of giving to others.

As a family we already did this a lot so it makes me feel that much more connected to my mom. You can always volunteer by feeding the homeless and taking part in the Salvation Army Angel Tree by giving presents to less fortunate families.

Avoid overindulgence of alcohol and food during the holidays.

These are ways of avoiding or masking our underlying emotions. When you realize you are doing this the problem isn't just hangovers and weight gain. It means that you need to acknowledge your grief and work through it in a healthy way by staying connected to your feelings instead of ignoring them. The longer that you don't deal with your grief, the larger and darker it will become.

Don't be afraid to ask for professional help if you are feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions, are finding yourself immobilized by your grief, or are having other adverse experiences or behaviors.

Please leave a comment if you have any ideas or suggestions for the holidays!